This year hit me tremendously. Not only for the circumstances that fell this time but also the learnings I have earned.
Early this year, I have conquered in quitting the bad habit of smoking. For this matter, I'm so proud of myself being able to do that. It's not easy giving up something that you have been addicted for so long. Thank God, I have finally overcome it!
After that, challenges swept my life.. I was diagnosed with a chronic painful disorder that regression has no assurance. Everyday, I face my life with pain and patience on how to deal with it. I just offer my suffering to the Lord in part of his passion. I also lost my dad last month which triggered me once again to slip into sadness.. My sister also got pregnant which my family actually doesn't want it. But babies are blessings, We should always be glad in it. And lastly, my dog roeroe got sick.
She had dengue for dogs which made me even more depressed.
I lost all self control over my life. Gained a little weight, maybe because of my depression and the effects of quitting smoking, Found myself always crying at my bed for hours until I fall asleep. It was the darkest moment of my life. I even cursed the Lord for not being able to answer my prayers. But I felt really terrible about it. Because Amidst all of my sufferings, I believe there is resurrection. I admit I temporarily lost my faith. but I'm just human. And now, I regained it.
After all of this, little by little, I learn things. Not to be envious of the success of people around me hence, but to be happy for them, because life is not a competition. I have also my share of blessings that of which I have taken for granted because I dwelled on the mishaps of my life. I have learn to let go and let God because, at my end, I have done everything, it's time for me to just trust in the Lord. for he knows what is right for me. AND I TRULY BELIEVE IN THAT,
What I am right now is a piece of a puzzle that I will build. The Lord has molded me to become her daughter. These experiences are the tools of which I will use to face my future.
I'm still half way there,but loosing hope is not an option. God is good all the time. I must stop obsessing into things I cant control. I surrender everything to him. I cannot say I'm fine,but I'm getting there. I will do my best that I could to continue my journey. Now, that I have felt the love of the Lord through my pains, I can say, I much stronger.
"We are gifted,We are cared for. We are unique, Our lives is too valuable to be lived like everyone else."